I'm Quitting

I'm just going to come out and say it.

I'm jealous.

I can't help it, it's my competitive nature.

During the teen years, this side of me was satisfied with sports like soccer. I had the cleat-shaped bruises all over my thighs to prove it. And, me and my teammate, Kelly, had the longest two-person "wall" sit time on our team at 14 minutes! Bragging rights, baby!

Then, sometimes during swim practice, kids competed to see for how many yards they could hold their breath. I could do two complete laps, or 50 yards. (I can't remember how much time that is, though.) At meets, I'd kick butt with a card game called Speed between my races.

But now that I'm older and don't play organized sports, my competitiveness doesn't feel as good. It feels like jealousy. I don't like it.

There are so many blogs out there, and a lot of them are by moms. They are all good. They are all interesting. Really! I like them for the same reasons I like memoirs. But, some of them look way cooler than the others.

These blogs wear the latest designs, know the right people and get all the comments. They are all cute and feminine or color coordinated or organized. I've always wanted to BE those things, but I'm 31 now so I don't think it's going to happen. But can't I, at least, have a BLOG that is cool?

I remember reading a post last summer by one of these cool mom bloggers about her desire to quit blogging. She talked about being consumed by it and feeling pressure to do more and better posts. I wish I could find her article, it was right on.

But, at the time, I was still a relatively new at this and I didn't get it. I thought, "What? How could you get burnt out on blogging? It's writing. I love to write!"

Oh, how naive I was! It's not all about writing, dumb new mommy blogger. It's more than that! It's about comments and page design and ads and BlogHer and photos and html code. Who has time for writing?

Lately I have been consumed with this blog, dreaming up ways of marketing it, promoting my brand and, somehow, making a little side money. 'Cause I could really use a mani/pedi.

Today, though, I came to my senses. I was talking to my mom over a crackly cell phone and telling her about the Mother of All Bloggers Contest. I was describing the world of mom blogs because she really had no clue about it. That she had never even heard of this whole alternate universe...that brought me back to reality.

I started this blog for ME. I had some things I needed to share with all you other mommies, and I don't think having a fab header or a catchy tagline is going to make you keep reading my posts. I think good writing is. So that's what I'm going to keep doing.

As for the obsession over the way this thing looks?

I'm quitting that*.

*But, say, I happen to win a blog makeover or something...I ain't gonna say no to that!