Faith

I never really thought of myself as a "glass is half empty" type of person. But, unfortunately, I think I am.

As my maternity leave ticked by, my heartache grew stronger. I wrote about it on July 31st. The dread of Sept. 8, my scheduled return-to-work day, consumed me. I was mopey. I was moody. Early in the morning, after a feeding, I would hug T Junior and just cry because we were one day closer to not being able to share that special time together anymore. Mr. T was concerned and thought maybe I needed to "go see somebody."

During the day I would search for a new job while T Junior took his naps. I needed something part-time, something more flexible, because the job I was doomed to return to on Sept. 8 required me to be gone for more than 10 hours a day. That just didn't work for me anymore.

He's so worth all the worry and heartache.
(You do see where his finger is, don't you?)

Last week, I had three bites. One job, a part-time copywriter, was my favorite. Copywriting (writing advertising/marketing copy), is what I wanted as a career waaaay back when I graduated from college. I had interviews. The part-time copywriter interview stood out. It was perfect. The people were nice, the job was a lot closer to home, the hours were better, the pay was right, and it was my dream career. It was too perfect so I worried.

Three days ago, during another one of my tearful confessions about not being there during my son's childhood, Mr. T told me to have faith. "Everything will work out because we have someone watching over us." He pointed upward. Mr. T had a nice point, but no matter how much I tried I couldn't muster the faith.

It's not that I don't believe or that I'm not religious. But we aren't good about going to church or saying our prayers or anything like that. We like church, it's just that we get lazy and on a lot of Sundays we're at a dog show. Why should God care about my situation if we can't even get our behinds in a pew every once in a while?

But the truth is, I have been talking to Him a lot lately. I don't usually ask God to do things for me. I figure He's busy with more important things than my puny problems. When I do remember pray, I usually ask that He watch over my family and friends. But lately, I had been calling on Him more than usual. I asked Him to help me, to guide me in the direction I am destined to go. I told Him how much having this "perfect" job would mean to me: I could spend more time nurturing my son and reach a career goal...at the same time. I did mention to Him that I would understand if it wasn't the right path for me even though saying that out loud hurt my heart a lot.

I prayed a lot the last two weeks and, yesterday, my prayers were answered. Even though my glass of faith was half empty most of the time, everything worked out just as Mr. T said.

This new opportunity will fulfill both a dream and a wish. I guess you do just "gotta have faith". (Ew, I can't believe I just quoted a George Micheal song.)

Special note: Even though I was down about my career situation, my friends were so supportive and reassuring...and helpful. So, consider yourselves hugged if I haven't already given you one already. Also, my new co-workers know about my blog, so they may read this. If you are: Thank you! I'm so excited to be a part of the team, doing what I love for a great company full of cool people.