Thursday, July 31, 2008

Heartbreak


September 8. Every time I think about it (and it's often), it makes my heart break.

Monday, September 8. There's really no reason to give that date a second thought unless it is your birthday or anniversary or something like that. But it's always on my mind these days.

September 8 is the day my maternity leave ends and I have to leave my baby for more than 10 hours a day. It brings tears to my eyes.

He'll be in good care with a very qualified and loving neighbor. I know he'll be OK. I'm just going to miss him so much...

...I can't even finish this post because it's making me too sad.
Posted by at 10:03 AM

4 comments:

  1. Aww that would make me sad too! But I'm glad you have someone you really trust to take care of your baby!
    Wow, your husband works with my husband??? Crazy! What is your husband's name? I'll have to tell Stephen! :)
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  2. I wish there was some solace I could offer, but there's not really. So I'll just offer the truth.

    Nothing is going to reassure you, no matter how marvelous the caregiver is. It's your child, your marvelous creation, and he won't be with you and you'll feel like you've failed as a mother and as a human being.

    And you'll need to give yourself the time to grieve and to cry in the bathroom or breakroom or wherever, and remember you can call him and have the phone held to his ear as you tell him all the sweet things you tell him in person.

    And you'll likely wake him up when you get home, no matter what time it is, just to smell and kiss him and watch his smile delight you, and to reassure yourself that he still does, in fact, love and need you, specifically YOU, and that will never change.

    And then you know what? It'll get easier. Not much, but the depth of the pain WILL ebb. It'll take some time and vast amounts of questioning and self-analysis, but you'll start to believe eventually that he'll only see you as the wonderful, strong person you are because you are an example for him.

    This is what I try to tell myself.

    And REMEMBER!! You can call me anytime and do nothing but cry if that will help. Because you know how deeply I understand.

    **big hugs**
    ReplyDelete
  4. Kerrie, I went through the same thing with Laura. It's awful.
    at 25 weeks is right though-- it does get a little easier, and then a little easier and pretty soon it's not so hard anymore. I still have twinges, but it all works out-- and if it doesn't then you can make changes so that it does.
    ReplyDelete

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