Are we in the second week already? Did I actually give birth to this little miracle?
It's still hard for me to believe that Karsen was growing in my tummy for 41 weeks, and that I delivered him. I suppose that when all is said and done that may have been the hardest thing I'll have ever accomplished. Although, the whole sleep thing is running in a close second.
My husband and I are just starting to get into a routine with our little guy, but it hasn't been easy. We're both tired and I'm very emotional, but my husband has been extremely sensitive.
"Sleep when the baby sleeps," everyone said. But that's easier said than done. When baby sleeps you feel like: Finally! I have time to do some laundry, dishes, e-mail, write...or whatever it is that needs to be done (even though husband has been doing the household chores regularly, which has been wonderful). And, even when I do try to sleep when baby sleeps I have a hard time settling down. My mind is busy, but my body is tired.
My mind keeps me up wondering: Is he OK? Is he going to wake up any second? Is he breathing? I need to write in my journal. I'm not very comfortable. When are my feet going to stop swelling? Is it hot in here? Is he breathing? -- it's a vicious cycle.
Hate to cut this short, but someone is waking up...
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There's a beautiful, beautiful passage in Maya Angelou's first (and autobiographical) book. It's three weeks after she's given birth (as a young teen) to her son. She's terrified and she's emotional and she's exhausted, and she's spent her life hating herself and hating her physical body. So when her son comes along, she's steeped in these emotions and this real lack of security about motherhood. She's afraid of what she might awkwardly do accidentally to her baby. But she falls asleep next to him, too exhausted to do anything else, despite her terror. And when she awakens, her mother whispers to her, to point out that the girl has unconsciously formed a tent of protection with her body around her still-sleeping son. It's one of the most beautiful and profound passages to end one of the most beautiful and profound books I've ever read. The point of all this? Take Karsen in your arms for a nap and you'll discover a very, very deep peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you. There have been several nights Karsen has slept on my chest and we were warm and cozy. :)
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