I'm Done

Actually, I've been done for two weeks. I'm due in 4 days and I'm just begging this kid to come out.

Back when I started my third trimester I thought I couldn't feel anymore pregnant than I felt at that time. I was so wrong. Here are a few things I wish I would have known.

1. It's gonna be hot. If you aren't already having hot flashes, you will ... and often. People at work will laugh at you when stick your face in front of your desk fan and kick off your shoes.

2. You will walk even more like a penguin than you were before. Why? You can't take very big steps, so you are forced to sway in order to get some momentum.

3. You will get cankles. I have been lucky because up to now I had very little swelling. Today, my ankles look like they swallowed tennis balls.

4. You won't be afraid. I had a lot of anxiety about the whole labor and delivery process. Now, I just wish I could get the show on the road. (And so does my husband.)

5. You can't power through it. If your body is telling you to take it easy, you have to listen because if you don't, it'll give you a big kick in the ass.

6. You're baby's cute little kicks will start to hurt. Those fun little jabs to the ribs aren't so great once your baby has reached his full size. And, just wait till he wants to roll around. Your skin can only stretch so far.

7. Pin headedness. There's just not much you can do with your hair to make this lovely look go away when your stomach arrives places five minutes before you do.

8. You will be even more uncomfortable than you were before. There's no way to relax. Sitting, laying down, standing -- they all hurt.

9. You'll be disappointed when you go to the doctor and she doesn't send you directly to the hospital.

10. Being 75% effaced and 3 cm dilated doesn't mean you will be having a baby soon. Sorry.